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From: Aspasia
Date: 16 Nov 2000
Time: 17:29:46
I've been thinking about this for three days, because this is a good question that deserves an answer, but you sure picked a hard one! Most importantly, I'd say read the materials on this site and other fat acceptance sites. A lot of intelligent, sensitive, articulate women and men have written about this subject. My own body acceptance is recently acquired, but I can tell you about a few light-bulbs that flashed above my head and helped me love myself again and regain the energy to face life every day. First of all, I gave up the idea that fatness is something under my control. It's not. I've tried all the diets and exercise programs, and if I was going to lose weight, it would have happened by now. Just freeing myself from the bleakness of those wretched programs improved my attitude IMMEDIATELY. Follow the advice you'll see all over these pages - eat healthy food that you ENJOY and exercise moderately at something you ENJOY. Refuse to participate in spiritual or physical drudgery, and give up the massive guilt attached to failing to lose weight (and by the way, I didn't gain weight when I stopped dieting). Eating and exercising are FUN, and you deserve to enjoy them just the same as thin people. Second, try to give up the idea that fat equals bad, or fat equals unattractive. Try to perceive it as something positive or neutral - give it the same importance in your life as your eye color or shoe size. It's simply ONE physical characteristic that makes up your entire physical being. When I stopped focusing on my weight and started perceiving my entire self, I started seeing that I AM attractive, neither in spite of nor because of my size. Treat yourself like you're the hottest thing on two legs - I'm not sure how a guy will accomplish that, but for me it was growing out my bangs and not hiding behind my hair, wearing sensual touchy fabrics, wearing jewelry because I am worth adorning. And now I'm WAY more attractive than when I weighed 50 pounds less! Another good mental trick is to imagine someone you greatly admire - someone who is strong, smart, talented, sexy, funny, or kind - who also happens to be fat (I pictured Aretha Franklin). Imagine that incredible goddess feeling ashamed of herself, feeling invalid, being afraid to get on stage and show that talent, simply because she's FAT! The idea is ludicrous! I was able to apply the same concept to myself, and really understand that NONE of us should suffer or limit ourselves because of size. I could probably keep ranting for pages and pages, so I'd better stop now. My last advice is: don't EVER EVER deny yourself what you want because you're waiting until you're thin. Resolve to be everything you want to be NOW. My motto has been: I can be fat and miserable, or I can be fat and happy. Which do I want to be?
From: phentewithout
Date: February 07, 2007
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