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From: Julie
Date: 02 Dec 2000
Time: 02:32 PM
Hi, Cathy. I knew there were others out there like me; I just didn't know how to find them!
What I am dealing with now (especially since this is the holiday season) is fear of gaining weight, knowing how to eat healthier but not wanting to do it (that's definitely my eating disorder), and feeling so weighed down by my body that I don't want to move.
I also feel very self-concious around others. I just want to stay at home and hide. I want to hide until I lose weight and am more "acceptable." In my mind, I know that is irrational and that I AM acceptable right now, but in my heart, I don't believe it.
Every day I plan to eat in a healthy way, but by the end of the day I feel so tired and know that if I don't let myself eat what I want, I will feel depressed. Of course, I feel depressed anyway once I overeat.
I keep thinking that I can't really enjoy Christmas unless I can eat what I want. Conversely, I think that I can't enjoy Christmas being as large as I am because I am uncomfortable in my body and can't get my mind off food so that I can enjoy the things I know really matter, like being with family and friends.
Does any of this ring a bell? What is going on with you right now?
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